Money + relationships: an awkward three-some

WARNING! This is NOT a sex blog, but we’ve got a bit of a racy (and extremely relatable) topic here today!

Everyone has struggled with money in a relationship at some point. 

Me included.
Yes, I’ve definitely been there.
But not so much nowadays.

In fact money’s something my boyfriend and I applaud ourselves for. We’re in a healthy place here and communicate about it often. It feels so good to not struggle.

But it wasn’t like that in my past relationships and I’m guessing you’ve struggled at some point too.

Why does money create tension for so many couples? (And even roommates, siblings, etc.)

I often ask people:

If money was your spouse, would you be passionately in love or sleeping on the couch?

There’s always this light bulb reaction. “Would I treat a boyfriend this way? No way! Crap, I’ve been a real jerk.”

YES you are in a relationship with money. And what does a relationship require?

Love
Respect
Communication
Maintenance.

When we’re stressed about money, it’s because we aren’t doing the work to cultivate and maintain a healthy loving relationship with it. 

Now throw in another person who also isn’t doing the work.. your spouse, partner, etc.

It’s like having a three-some!! 😂😂😂

Does anyone know the secret to a healthy three-some that doesn’t result in extreme awkwardness or someone getting pissed off??

Okay I’m not trying to give you the wrong impression here! Like I said, this is NOT a sex blog!!

But it makes for a good analogy, doesn’t it?

Couples fight over money because there’s a third being in the relationship that neither of you are happy with. 

So, if you care about your partner (or whomever you’re feeling the money struggle with), it’s your duty to heal your relationship with money.

If you care about your children (They are impressionable! They will learn from you! How do you think you ended up in the position you’re in now? Perhaps from your own parents?), it’s your duty to heal your relationship with money.

If you care about YOURSELF, your livelihood, your purpose, and how you show up in ALL of your relationships, it’s your duty to heal your relationship with money!

You want the best possible life for yourself, right?

You want confidence, freedom, stability, to be able to give more.

Then you have to heal your relationship with money.

Otherwise you’re going to struggle with this again and again. The root cause of your money struggles is NOT

  • the person you’re dating/married to
  • your job
  • your boss
  • that anything’s too expensive or you’re too broke.

It’s how YOU are relating to money.

So how the heck do we heal our relationship with money?

Here’s the short + sweet “couples counseling” for you + your money honey in 4 steps:

Step 1:
Acknowledge your baggage. No one likes bringing baggage into a new relationship, and it’s worse when we’re blind to it. What’s your history with money? What experiences got you to where you are now? How’ve you been living according to someone else’s behaviors and expectations?

Step 2:
Forgive yourself
 for however your relationship with money has been in the past. Make the conscious choice to heal what was and move forward with a new perspective. We gotta let the past go!

Step 3:
Cultivate some love + romance! Stop saying “I’m broke” or “I can’t afford it” because that’ll keep you there. Replace it with something more loving but believable, like “I’m ready to create a better financial situation for myself” or “I’m willing to see how I can afford what I want.”

Step 4:
Take your money honey on a date (figuratively speaking, unless you want to get some weird looks). Find ways to reallocate your money toward experiences that light YOU up. Or find no-cost ways to do it (dates don’t have to be expensive). You might find you’re not quite as broke as you’re telling yourself, and you’ll finally start enjoying the good you ALREADY have.

The more you follow your joy, the more opportunities open up. This step alone will change your life. But you’ll go further faster with less backtracking if you do the healing first.

Bonus Step 5:
Repeat. Because remember, you’re in a relationship with money. And what do relationships require? Maintenance!
If you’re ready to have a joyful three-some with your money and your partner (I swear, this isn’t a sex blog!), then this is what you’ve got to do.

If you want to have freedom, confidence, and stability around money for yourself and in your relationship, this is what you’ve got to do.

You’re ready to be DONE with the tension, fights, blame + shame around money in your relationships, right?

You’re ready to commit to the work to rekindle the flame. If this is you, then you’re willing to do whatever it takes, and you’ll take all the guidance you can get.

If this is you, if you’re completely ready, even if you haven’t got a clue how to actually do this, then grab your FREE one-on-one Clarity Session to discover what needs to be healed, what’s holding you back, so you can finally get back to the romance. Don’t let yourself stay stuck another minute when we’re here to get you out of this and get you back to the love you once enjoyed. Just the two of you 🙂

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